Post by FROSTY on Nov 18, 2008 21:06:24 GMT -5
Here's my take on "QUANTUM OF SAUSAGE" "QUANTUM OF SORE ARSE" "QUANTUM OF SOLACE" 
:
QOS is a POS! – A Review
PLOT / SCRIPT: Erm?……something about oil and water? – which is rather prophetic, as most elements in this film, go about as well together as those two things!!.
Apparently, someone’s controlling Bolivian water! - Crikey!, I don’t know about you?, but this is always affecting me here in South-East England!!.
Give Bond something to do for crying out loud, that actually impacts upon the U.K., or the U.S., or the free world in general, otherwise, as in this case, it’s completely un-compelling.
This film suffers from the same scripting problems as all of the films from “GoldenEye” onwards, thin pieces of plot, pasted together badly, with not always a general direction as to where this is all heading?.
The loss of Richard Maibaum, is still deeply felt, a writer who it shocks me, is BARELY EVER spoken of, when people talk about Bond’s literary side – having worked on 13 Screenplays, I think he deserves a mention, now and again! (especially as he was no doubt responsible for many a one-liner, or famous situation that Bond found himself in, and the development of the screen version of Bond’s character).
DIRECTION: As in “no sense of” – in Marc Forster’s case.
Forster is the single most inept choice to helm a major studio picture, since one of the brass in Hollywood said: “You know the name that comes to mind when someone says: ‘Popeye’? – Robert Altman!”.
Forster, out of his comfort zone here, lets the 2nd unit, the editors and cameramen, run riot, in a barrage of badly photographed and edited, noisy, boring, action sequences, filled with as much ludicrousness, and bad CGI, as anything that “Die Another Day” has to offer – only less entertaining!, while Forster sends the audience to sleep, with static scenes, and “Arty” shots of deserts, It’s kinda “Wim Wenders Goes Vauxhall Cross”!!.
THE GUNBARREL SEQUENCE: Play the film in reverse, and then these geniuses have got it in the RIGHT place!!.
MUSIC: David Arnold is so far in the background here, that he may as well have been hired as an Extra!.
THEME SONG: Question? - What do you get, if you cross a spaced-out Rocker, and a wailing R&B bird, who shout badly at eachother for 3 minutes? Answer - Another way for this film to die!!.
THE CAST / MAIN CHARACTERS:
* Bond: He STILL ain’t “Bond” yet! – how?
?? – clearly the ending of “Casino Royale”, actually meant squat!!.
The po-faced, non-witty, non-chic, one-man slaughter house that Bond has become recently, is very unappealing.
Daniel “I have a face for radio!” Craig, manages to murder every close-up (with his awkward looks), mumble every line, look like a nightclub bouncer (in a tux), and when it comes to one-liners?, Craig has all the delivery capability, of a Postman with no arms!!.
* Camille: She barely even kisses Bond ever! – that’s just wrong! (at least she’s more appealing than that completely sexless creature, Wai-Lin!).
Olga Kurylenko does her best, with the thankless material she’s given, and was a fairly convincing Latin girl, all things considered.
* Dominic Greene / General Medrano / Elvis: The most ineffectual Villainous line-up ever!!.
* “M”: The female “M” is a one-trick-pony - whose joke ran dry, as far back as “Tomorrow Never Dies”.
The character is also party to what appears to be the most stinking Placement Ad ever!!: the scene in which M’s seen putting face cream on (WTF???) – that wouldn’t be AVON COSMETICS she’s putting on her face, now would it?!.
* Felix Leiter: Please tell me what the appeal of Jeffrey Wright in the role is??.
If Wright were any more wooden?, he’d have four legs, and someone sitting on him!.
This is a great disappointment to me - as Felix is my second favourite character.
Jack Lord and David Hedison, were as suave, and cool as Bond! – how it should be!!.
* Bill Tanner: Rory Kinnear manages to sleepwalk through all of his scenes – he’s no James Villiers (my personal favourite in the role), or Ronald Pickup.
* Agent Fields: Gemma Arterton may well be the most criminally underused Bond-Girl of all time!!.
She’s quite fun, and perky, and lifts the scenes she’s in – although her character’s first name, “Strawberry”, is the most cringingly wince-inducing thing in the series, since the infamous “Mr. Kil” line in “Die Another Day”, or the name “Christmas” and it’s oh-so-funny uses throughout, “The World Is Not Enough” (!), all of this is testament, as to just how low the writing in the films has sunk, under Robert Wade and Neal Purvis’ poison pens! – to a sub-par, achingly-corny, spoof-like level.
* Mathis: It’s nice to see that Bond is also “Green(e)” in this movie - he recycles Mathis, by dumping him in the nearest skip!! (WTF???) – what a terrible ending, for such a good character!!.
SUMMARY:
“What the hell was all that about?!”, was the first question I asked myself?, after sitting through this miserable, noisy, forgettable, soulless exercise in money-making!!.
I genuinely feel like EON Productions mugged me for the £10 that I spent, to see this garbage!!.
I think the film should have been re-titled: "QUANTUM LEAP" - given the amount of times that I said: "Oh boy!
" to myself, during it!!.
Instead of answering all of the questions in “Casino Royale” – this film asks a whole load of new ones!.
The sequel idea was bad - a Trilogy idea is even worse!! (I’ve already lost the will to live, over this Vesper story arc).
If after the film's critical mauling, they do decide to return to some of the “Bond Formula”?, I doubt it will work - as the Formula didn’t work during the Brosnan-era, it was too corny, and forced e.g.: “An Aston Martin DB5”, “A Vodka Martini”, it was done very badly, and actually made the series look tired, predicable, and too damn “formulaic”!!, the Directors and writers, all had very little skill in not making it all look like a slightly embarrassing, parody,
and Craig, would be like a square peg in a round hole, in a Formula movie - he’s not the kind of Bond that’ll fit that kind of film comfortably.
We have a very rocky path ahead, artistically.
SCORE: 2 / 10
WORST. BOND-FILM. EVER.
:QOS is a POS! – A Review
PLOT / SCRIPT: Erm?……something about oil and water? – which is rather prophetic, as most elements in this film, go about as well together as those two things!!.
Apparently, someone’s controlling Bolivian water! - Crikey!, I don’t know about you?, but this is always affecting me here in South-East England!!.
Give Bond something to do for crying out loud, that actually impacts upon the U.K., or the U.S., or the free world in general, otherwise, as in this case, it’s completely un-compelling.
This film suffers from the same scripting problems as all of the films from “GoldenEye” onwards, thin pieces of plot, pasted together badly, with not always a general direction as to where this is all heading?.
The loss of Richard Maibaum, is still deeply felt, a writer who it shocks me, is BARELY EVER spoken of, when people talk about Bond’s literary side – having worked on 13 Screenplays, I think he deserves a mention, now and again! (especially as he was no doubt responsible for many a one-liner, or famous situation that Bond found himself in, and the development of the screen version of Bond’s character).
DIRECTION: As in “no sense of” – in Marc Forster’s case.
Forster is the single most inept choice to helm a major studio picture, since one of the brass in Hollywood said: “You know the name that comes to mind when someone says: ‘Popeye’? – Robert Altman!”.
Forster, out of his comfort zone here, lets the 2nd unit, the editors and cameramen, run riot, in a barrage of badly photographed and edited, noisy, boring, action sequences, filled with as much ludicrousness, and bad CGI, as anything that “Die Another Day” has to offer – only less entertaining!, while Forster sends the audience to sleep, with static scenes, and “Arty” shots of deserts, It’s kinda “Wim Wenders Goes Vauxhall Cross”!!.
THE GUNBARREL SEQUENCE: Play the film in reverse, and then these geniuses have got it in the RIGHT place!!.
MUSIC: David Arnold is so far in the background here, that he may as well have been hired as an Extra!.
THEME SONG: Question? - What do you get, if you cross a spaced-out Rocker, and a wailing R&B bird, who shout badly at eachother for 3 minutes? Answer - Another way for this film to die!!.
THE CAST / MAIN CHARACTERS:
* Bond: He STILL ain’t “Bond” yet! – how?
?? – clearly the ending of “Casino Royale”, actually meant squat!!.The po-faced, non-witty, non-chic, one-man slaughter house that Bond has become recently, is very unappealing.
Daniel “I have a face for radio!” Craig, manages to murder every close-up (with his awkward looks), mumble every line, look like a nightclub bouncer (in a tux), and when it comes to one-liners?, Craig has all the delivery capability, of a Postman with no arms!!.
* Camille: She barely even kisses Bond ever! – that’s just wrong! (at least she’s more appealing than that completely sexless creature, Wai-Lin!).
Olga Kurylenko does her best, with the thankless material she’s given, and was a fairly convincing Latin girl, all things considered.
* Dominic Greene / General Medrano / Elvis: The most ineffectual Villainous line-up ever!!.
* “M”: The female “M” is a one-trick-pony - whose joke ran dry, as far back as “Tomorrow Never Dies”.
The character is also party to what appears to be the most stinking Placement Ad ever!!: the scene in which M’s seen putting face cream on (WTF???) – that wouldn’t be AVON COSMETICS she’s putting on her face, now would it?!.
* Felix Leiter: Please tell me what the appeal of Jeffrey Wright in the role is?
?.If Wright were any more wooden?, he’d have four legs, and someone sitting on him!.
This is a great disappointment to me - as Felix is my second favourite character.
Jack Lord and David Hedison, were as suave, and cool as Bond! – how it should be!!.
* Bill Tanner: Rory Kinnear manages to sleepwalk through all of his scenes – he’s no James Villiers (my personal favourite in the role), or Ronald Pickup.
* Agent Fields: Gemma Arterton may well be the most criminally underused Bond-Girl of all time!!.
She’s quite fun, and perky, and lifts the scenes she’s in – although her character’s first name, “Strawberry”, is the most cringingly wince-inducing thing in the series, since the infamous “Mr. Kil” line in “Die Another Day”, or the name “Christmas” and it’s oh-so-funny uses throughout, “The World Is Not Enough” (!), all of this is testament, as to just how low the writing in the films has sunk, under Robert Wade and Neal Purvis’ poison pens! – to a sub-par, achingly-corny, spoof-like level.
* Mathis: It’s nice to see that Bond is also “Green(e)” in this movie - he recycles Mathis, by dumping him in the nearest skip!! (WTF???) – what a terrible ending, for such a good character!!.
SUMMARY:
“What the hell was all that about?!”, was the first question I asked myself?, after sitting through this miserable, noisy, forgettable, soulless exercise in money-making!!.
I genuinely feel like EON Productions mugged me for the £10 that I spent, to see this garbage!!.
I think the film should have been re-titled: "QUANTUM LEAP" - given the amount of times that I said: "Oh boy!
" to myself, during it!!.Instead of answering all of the questions in “Casino Royale” – this film asks a whole load of new ones!.
The sequel idea was bad - a Trilogy idea is even worse!! (I’ve already lost the will to live, over this Vesper story arc).
If after the film's critical mauling, they do decide to return to some of the “Bond Formula”?, I doubt it will work - as the Formula didn’t work during the Brosnan-era, it was too corny, and forced e.g.: “An Aston Martin DB5”, “A Vodka Martini”, it was done very badly, and actually made the series look tired, predicable, and too damn “formulaic”!!, the Directors and writers, all had very little skill in not making it all look like a slightly embarrassing, parody,
and Craig, would be like a square peg in a round hole, in a Formula movie - he’s not the kind of Bond that’ll fit that kind of film comfortably.
We have a very rocky path ahead, artistically.
SCORE: 2 / 10
WORST. BOND-FILM. EVER.
Where do Eon go now? That's a good question because it's now apparent they haven't the faintest idea themselves. The QOS fiasco might have prompted Daniel Craig to start thinking about life without 007. He'll be offered different types of films when he leaves the franchise. Why would he want to spend the next several years making awful popcorn films like Quantum Of Solace?
